It's Complicated... Or Is It Really? Yes, It Is.
In order to get any sort of laundry done around here without cussing I have to listen to sermons online. Usually people with A LOT of energy like Beth Moore or Priscilla Shirer. And even with said sermons on auto-play on YouTube, my dining room still looks like this. They are all clean.
One of my middle school youth group girls was over here around the holidays and said "Ms Nicole, why do you have 2 tables?" She was referring to my breakfast table and dining room table which stopped me in my tracks. If you want a reminder that we live a life of privilege, surround yourself with children. My response was "well, some people have them to entertain friends or family. Like we always sit in here at the breakfast table but when we have our family over we may sit in the dinning room. But in my house the real reason is that if I didn't have a dining room table, I'd have nowhere to put all my laundry." And that's the truth. I hate it and I'm sure I will until the day I die. I don't mind washing but folding and putting up is a struggle... Obviously.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was the laziest weekend I've had in a really long time. I had moments of alone time. Then the rest of the weekend Ben and I spent on the couch watching a marathon of The Crown and completely ignoring our house and children. Once Amelia even fed her siblings. Good to know she is able. But the thing is, I over analyze birthdays. How can I do things differently this year? How can I better myself this year? In some ways it's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, but it's also never a bad thing to self examine.
I woke up pretty defeated today. 39 and nothing has changed. Part of it is having a baby that prefers very little sleep. I swear I've been in a grumpy mood for the last 19 months, or 28 depending on who you ask. One thing I do know is I want more organization and efficiency in my life. I have a friend who posted a chore/cleaning schedule a few months ago and I didn't know what I thought about that. I giggled and thought "how is she even friends with me?" I tell you what, I'm extremely jealous of that kind of organization and efficiancy. I want a cleaning schedule and a daily schedule and a toddler that allows me to stick to my plan. Probably not going to happen.
This morning my Bible reading I read Acts 18:10 "for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you" Is that true? Me personally, and we as a family, have been through many "attacks" and some of those were for longer seasons than I'd prefer. Long seasons more than once. And they hurt too. Did God attack with intent to harm? No, I don't think so. Maybe? Did God allow me to go through things that felt like attacks and that hurt a lot to draw me closer to Him and in turn use it in my life to further His kingdom? 100% yes! So really, does the second part of the verse even matter? "For I am with you" the end. At Passion 2018 this year Priscilla said something along the lines of "the enemy does not have the power to destroy you as a child of God but he will spend all of his days trying to discourage you." Word! We got that down in this house. Then during laundry, which I need to finish, Beth was talking about It's Complicated. It's SO complicated. Life on this earth is hard and we don't know the right answers and sometimes the right answers that came through prayer still feel like they lead you astray. Did I miss it or is this God's way of keeping me close? Lord, just give me strength for whatever it is! Amen?!
She went through different kinds of complicated and truthfully, some of it we can't do a dang thing about. We may or may not get an answer in glory. But some of it we can fix. Am I making this complicated? I'm specifically thinking about my life as a stay at home mom with 2 kids in school and a terrorist toddler at home. Is there anything I can lay down in this house to make my life easier? That chore/cleaning chart.. would it help me or put too much pressure on me? Meal planning... it helps a lot! My budget and brain thanks me. My brain thanks me once it's done, but meal planning and making a list is so daunting to me. Feel free to share all your favorite recipes with me. Please!
So here's my thing and I'm serious, I WANT ADVICE! Do you have toddlers at home? How do you survive AND keep your joy? The second part is important. If you have already made it out, how did you do it? And for the love of Jesus, do not tell me I will miss this. I will miss the cuteness of my kids but I will not miss sticky floors and the mess that's everywhere and I will absolutely not miss all of these clothes. So, what can I do or not do to make my daily life easier? And don't tell me to let the house go because it's not in my chemical makeup. I wish it was but it's just not.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was the laziest weekend I've had in a really long time. I had moments of alone time. Then the rest of the weekend Ben and I spent on the couch watching a marathon of The Crown and completely ignoring our house and children. Once Amelia even fed her siblings. Good to know she is able. But the thing is, I over analyze birthdays. How can I do things differently this year? How can I better myself this year? In some ways it's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, but it's also never a bad thing to self examine.
I woke up pretty defeated today. 39 and nothing has changed. Part of it is having a baby that prefers very little sleep. I swear I've been in a grumpy mood for the last 19 months, or 28 depending on who you ask. One thing I do know is I want more organization and efficiency in my life. I have a friend who posted a chore/cleaning schedule a few months ago and I didn't know what I thought about that. I giggled and thought "how is she even friends with me?" I tell you what, I'm extremely jealous of that kind of organization and efficiancy. I want a cleaning schedule and a daily schedule and a toddler that allows me to stick to my plan. Probably not going to happen.
This morning my Bible reading I read Acts 18:10 "for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you" Is that true? Me personally, and we as a family, have been through many "attacks" and some of those were for longer seasons than I'd prefer. Long seasons more than once. And they hurt too. Did God attack with intent to harm? No, I don't think so. Maybe? Did God allow me to go through things that felt like attacks and that hurt a lot to draw me closer to Him and in turn use it in my life to further His kingdom? 100% yes! So really, does the second part of the verse even matter? "For I am with you" the end. At Passion 2018 this year Priscilla said something along the lines of "the enemy does not have the power to destroy you as a child of God but he will spend all of his days trying to discourage you." Word! We got that down in this house. Then during laundry, which I need to finish, Beth was talking about It's Complicated. It's SO complicated. Life on this earth is hard and we don't know the right answers and sometimes the right answers that came through prayer still feel like they lead you astray. Did I miss it or is this God's way of keeping me close? Lord, just give me strength for whatever it is! Amen?!
Beth. I love doing laundry with her. I can't sit in one of those 8 hour
Saturday sessions, but we can wash clothes together alllllll week long!
So here's my thing and I'm serious, I WANT ADVICE! Do you have toddlers at home? How do you survive AND keep your joy? The second part is important. If you have already made it out, how did you do it? And for the love of Jesus, do not tell me I will miss this. I will miss the cuteness of my kids but I will not miss sticky floors and the mess that's everywhere and I will absolutely not miss all of these clothes. So, what can I do or not do to make my daily life easier? And don't tell me to let the house go because it's not in my chemical makeup. I wish it was but it's just not.
And you know how I know Jesus loves us? Because when you go through all the efforts to make your grocery list to meal plan and stick to it and stay inside your budget, Aldi has roses on sale for $3.99 at the register.
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