I had a response and I deleted it. My go to answer lately has been "it's SO hard" or "this is a tough season!" or sometimes I get real classy and respond with "This just sucks and I'm sick of it!" But honestly, the negativity I speak over my family on a regular basis is getting on my nerves. I'm sick of listening to myself. Lord help the people around me! Yes, this is a hard season but we have seen the Lord move mountains over and over again. What I'm realizing is the things of this earth are hard but as they are increasing so is the ease of depending on the Lord. And the more we cry out, the more He answers and our faith is building daily. What sucks about that?!
I am spending as much time as I can journaling all these little moments because they are too good to forget. But in all the things of life, at some point they may seem too little to remember. I don't journal as much as I would like but I need to get better. I love going back and looking at trials and answered prayers, it's an instant faith booster. The thought of that is actually what re-birthed this blog.
I knew when I couldn't let it go that this needed to be a verse that I had to imprint on my heart. I put it on my car dash, my kitchen window and my bathroom mirror.
Then one of my sweet friends made me this water color art because she is PRECIOUS! It is now framed next to my coffeepot. Because coffee and Jesus! Can I get an amen?!
The Lord told Paul he would go to Rome and he never doubted Him! This is from my journal on 4/12/18:
Life is hard. It is busier than I want it to be. But what to give up? I am short with my kids because I am tired and discouraged and not in your word. I just listened to three mini sermons on social media (it's not all bad) and Steven Furdick was saying "our attitude sometimes will not limit the presence of God but it will limit us from experiencing the presence of God." Then the next sermon was talking about a girl being so bold that she called out her fathers promises to herself, to her friends and she even reminded her father of the promise he made her.
I have not been in the word as much as I want to be and I'm taking it out on and blaming my kids. Priscilla Shirer reminds me in her words that you HAVE to be in the word, especially in hard seasons. Its better to have one verse on your heart for an entire week than to listen to someone else's sermon on what the Lord has done in their life. Hear what he has for you!
I read a little this morning and Acts 27:25 reads "For I have faith in God that it will be exactly as I have been told." Believe in the promises your God has told you! I have a feeling in my spirit that the Lord is going to do something mighty with our business. The Lord called us to C12 and he will use it! The God that brings dead people to life can and will resurrect all things including our business! But why don't I have this peace and confidence in my parenting? Because I haven't involved Jesus into that space. I haven't given my kids over to him. I haven't cried out for help from him in the storms of parenting. Jesus you know these children better than I do. You love them more than I do. You love me! Bring peace into our house. Give me time in my day for you and convict me to use it wisely. Use it for me to grow closer to you. To have more confidence in your abilities and to have a better sense of your presence. And help me to remember that as in vs 26 "But we must run aground some island." Islands, they feel off track, alone and scary, but you are still there and are still working on getting me closer to the promise you have for me.
Honestly, that morning blew my mind and I knew I had to share it with Ben when he got home. But they day got in the way and I was a miserable mess that afternoon! If satan is not running rampant in your house, bless you! But also, if you haven't heard from him in a while I might question whether you are a threat to him? No offense, just suggesting a little personal inventory check.
Well, the next morning at 9:49 I got a text from a lady at our church. A lady who knows our family but has no idea whatsoever of any struggles or trials we may be having. The text said
Good morning Nicole! I'm not exactly sure what this is about, but God gave me a dream last night. It was about y'alls business. I woke up and began interceding for y'all. I think God wants you to know He is with you and right on top of this "whatever this is...maybe my dream was just to serve as reassurance from our loving Father). Love y'all!
WHAT?! I called Ben immediately and shared with him all the things!! All the ways God has been speaking to me over the last 48 hours and we were both stunned. Also, why do things like this surprise us? We profess to serve a living and loving father and then when He shows out we are all like "Really?! I didn't know you could do that!" We are crazy humans!
And then life got tricky again but God is still showing up and speaking to me in quiet whispers and big ways. We were working in the yard this weekend and I was going around picking roses from all of Ben's grandma's flowers to put around the house. When I was in the backyard I noticed there was a rose bloom on the arbor that is over our swing
Even though you will hear me fussing all week long about how I do nothing but drive back and forth into town. Ugh! That is still a struggle and probably always will be.
But for five years I have been nurturing that little rose vine Grandma planted that lives in the shade. Pruning and feeding it rose food, begging it to bloom and take over that arbor. And this weekend one little pale pink rose bloomed. Five years of obedience for one beautiful bloom.